In 2013 we saw GSP sort of win his last fight, Silva possibly suffer a career ending injury, Duane Ludwig become one of the best striking coaches, and an endless amount of bad haircuts from Vitor Belfort. We didn’t see Dominick Cruz fight, Ronda Rousey mature, Nick Diaz come out of retirement, or GSP beat Hendricks.
With a crazy end to UFC 168, many are left wondering how 2014 will play out in The UFC; well wonder no more, I have all the answers.
I have correctly predicted many things in the past, kind of like a special gift I have, I guess. For instance, after GSP beat Diaz at UFC 158, I predicted there would be a UFC 159, and I was correct. I also predicted the end of G-Unit, the rise of Facebook and gluten-free foods, and the ending to Harry Potter. So last night I pulled out my crystal ball, and with my tarot cards in hand and those funny smelling incense burning, I took a glance into 2014.
First thing I saw in 2014 was the birth of South East Bieber, Justin Bieber’s daughter. The mother, Miley Cyrus. But on to more important news. In 2014, I saw Nick Diaz come out of retirement to fight his brother Nate Diaz over how loud Nate is while eating potato chips. Sharkiesha will make her MMA debut. Dominick Cruz will make his long awaited return to the octagon only to lose by TKO after Renan Barao blocks one of Cruz’s punches so good that it crushes the bones in Cruz’s hand. Johnny Hendricks will win the vacant welterweight title after beating Robby Lawler; sadly, Hendricks will fail his post-fight drug test due to Hair Growth Hormones found in his beard. Matt Serra will make his return to the octagon to face Pat Barry in a heavyweight fight. But that’s not all, I also saw Kim Winslow cutting her hair and everybody starting to realize she is kind of hot.
Rhonda Rousey and Miesha Tate will become best friends; Rousey will even be the maid of honor in Tate’s wedding. However, the friendship will come to a violent end when Miesha playfully ask Rhonda, “Oh my god. You still cut your shirts like that?” Andrew Craig will donate his hair to charity causing him to drop down to the lightweight division, and GSP will return to the UFC, but only to take Bruce Buffer’s job after Buffer wins the World Series of Poker.
2014 is going to be a hell of a year for MMA fans, too bad we won’t all be here for it. That’s right, I also saw the Black Plague make a comeback in 2014 after that Tila Tequila chick cross contaminates her laundry with Ke$ha’s. So keep you hands up and chins down, practice checking legs kicks, eat your vitamins, and do your homework. 2014 is right around the corner.
Follow Mark on Twitter @PincheMark979